Friday, July 15, 2005
A review of NES Harry's Legend
I can't believe you sold out, Chinese Mafia.
And why do you have communism as your legit form? It's so... poor.
The whole point of playing mafia is to get rich quick, but then die without ever enjoying or accomplishing anything, as though you were never born: not to be misunderstood artists, and leave insidious, confounding, famously bad games that eventually achieve cult status and outlast the pyramids.
The game alone isn't worth it. Why not have a package deal with underage sex slaves? Or opium? Or kungfu masters? Or starving peasents?
Or a discount to your restaurants? I go out for Chinese [Mafia] food all the time. (Yes, Triads control all Chinese restaurants in the world. That's why they all have the same menu. Duh.)
"This game wrox, what with my side of underage sex slaves, and General Tso. Mm... General Tso..."
Given these ideas, I should be God of Chinese Mafia, not Lord Guan.
Why does Harry stand like Ryu? Is he a kungfu master in the book? I remember he was in the movie. Witches are into eastern philosophical poison, so it makes sense.
What would be cool: if the anti-Potter bible belt challenged kungu to a fair and honorable all-out no-holds-barred, every-man-for-himself, oldfashioned, disorganized drunken street fight.
What will most likely happen: they blackmail and cash in on the kungfu heroes, then give them a fair and honorable trial, but bribe for execution. "Crucify him!"