Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Rear Window
What a great movie that gave me 3 ideas:
1. Rear Window: The Game!
You, Freelance Hitman, broke your leg, but that does not stop you from working, because you are honest and hardworking: that is why you play games in the first place, to work.
So let us start: every time you shoot and kill from your window, an appraiser - but do not shoot him - comes by, confirms the kill and pays you based on how much the death is worth.
If you kill one with a negative death appraisal, like a member of the family, you are in big trouble: you have to pay that amount back; but if you lack the money, you lose a finger.
Each time you lose a finger, it becomes harder to fire your sniper rifle.
The game ends when you lose your last finger or achieve the family's goal of a lifeless society.
Neat, eh? It is Hangman's hot cousin.
No, Hangman! Incest is wrong! Too late.
2. Whore House: The Game!
You, Pastorman, learn the ins and outs of daily corruption: lie, cheat, steal, murder, rape, pretend to work, condone horrors - everything real-life leaders do.
Construct subtile sermons, take from others, gain power and influence, waste hour after hour on inane issues, dupe the public any way you can think of and make sure none are happy or accomplishing anything productive.
If you see one serve God, squish it; none of that is tolerated in The House of God.
Eventually you will be destroyed somehow: live by it, die by it - that is the game; to live is not the point.
3. I also made this story:
The hottest girl in the kingdom is ugly.
Some guy mercifully kills the perplexed and distressed king, and the crowds shout, Hail you!
At least, that is what it sounded like.
They all become celibate nuns, except the brave new king, whom they send out to find a hot new girl to be town whore.
He eventually happens upon one that tries to teach him human decency.
Hume indecency?
Right. You're not so bad. I like your common sense.
My calm incense rox. You suck.
Thank you. I will.
(She thought he said, Use uck.)
He accepts her zance contest challenge to the muzak of her weird kid friend, Zillbort, who plays the zancephone; but she "wins" and he says, Hail you!
He peeps on her, discovers her evil zance power source (chocolate), races chocolates and runs cruel inbreeding experiments to create a gold new super-chocolate.
Mushy Titanic-scene:
I'm unforgivable. You'd leave me.
Not for all the babes in Thailand. Not when I have this.
No! Whoever finds the Master Chocolate owns me. I will go where you go. I will be your woman, and you will be my man.
Yada, yada, chocolate-powered sex...
They triumphantly return to find the kingdom in chaos: pink hearts hover overhead as they walk on nuneaten corpses.
The hearts turn into anvils and crush them in an endless nightmare of pain and gore.