A Cause and Effect Essay by Josh
Teen Aural Chastity
"Rock 'n Roll," moans a bug-eyed, blood-drooling teen moments before his death.
"Rock 'n roll:" what could it mean?
And why do adolescents everywhere want it?
To answer this riddle, we shift scenery to a little known town in the Neatherlands called Groot Zundert, where a small-timer named Van Gogh lives in anonymity.
The glint of his obscure life was drolled about incognito.
Van learned more about art with each dying day, totally unknown at the time.
One day, he cut his own ear off and mailed it to a prostitute/his girlfriend.
Then he went to sleep.
And he began a beautiful metamorphosis beyond the grave.
Slowly, his unknown face drew devotees, then small crowds, then huge throngs amassed into a great fortune so famous no live person could have held it (the good side of death).
His mythical legacy caught on and on.
He has arrived.
Now he is hip.
His fans are mostly misguided teens and other perverts.
The lime spotlight shines on his mutilated, half-dead corpse.
As the swarm of teens drool on Gogh, they sort of lose something in return.
It is a sense since forgotten.
Their eye for art has combined with Van Gogh's decapitated ear to create a mephistophelesian, drooling, head-bobbing inoculated mutant of Satan.
That's right: teenagers listen to rock because they have Van Gogh's ear for music.
Rock "music" lacks any taste or intelligence.
How could anyone in their right mind like it?
Random noise would sound much better, and has been proven to be beneficial.